Ingress poem

lose attack retreat

sore feet

and an empty charger fleet

past chaos future harmony

the allschwiler gnomey 

is my new homie

simple truth breathe nature

everything is green

but blue on my screen

nature pure defend

here my journey may end

next to real frogs

and old mossy logs

data connection failed

I'm an under-cover agent veiled

enveloped in exotic matter

by antimatter battered

journey inside improve soul

I have achieved my goal

Aspergillus beneath 

Amanita muscaria around

nurtured feet

my homie will never be found

all XM liberate

the natural shapes are deliberate

like Calocera viscosa, portal shaped

or Stemonitis fusca, an explosion escaped

muggles all over the place

speed bonus not worth to chase

Ingress improvement ideas from Robert the Serious Siamese

by Robert the Serious Siamese

I have a suggestion to the Ingress game-makers: Add special powers to those players who manage to go beyond level 16.  Perhaps they would then forget all about frog-killing and/or smurf-chasing cats

Here are some ideas: Allow high level players to apply for a special position, an honour labelled "a Gandalf"

A Gandalf would be able to turn a certain number of enemy portals grey comfortably from their homes, only using the Ingress Intel map. This would be allowed at restricted time-periods of 2-3 days that would be announced in advance. 

I can already envision the frenzy of regular players preparing for these Gandalf periods.

Those players who have been good rechargers would receive a Hattivatti / Hattifnatt award, in the form of a super-charged power cube.

Walking and biking should be promoted more. If I could decide, using a private car for playing should be forbidden. 

But I know humans are better motivated with carrots than sticks -this is why cats manage to be loved pets. We are fierce predators but at home we look cute and are cuddly and we purr.

A special trekker reward (after 1000 km walked) could consist of an ergonomically designed light-weight back-pack with the following surprise items:

- ultrathin raincoat

- sunscreen

- sunglasses

- thermos flask
- amusing snacks

- a portable charger in your faction's colour.

Not everyone lives in an area where playing can be done by foot. The use of cars in the name of playing should be discouraged. For this there are two solutions:

1. Niantic Labs (the game creator) should accept suggested portals in areas that are not accessible by cars

2. There should be a reward for using public transport, with some nifty awards

These two ideas, when applied cleverly could actually make a difference. Imagine the couch potato, immune to health terrorist’s advice but driven by his gamer ambitions going for walks in forests and parks.

Even better: The business man who used to take his car to work would now choose the bus, tram, or train instead to be able to hack more portals on his journey and to receive the rare badge rewarded for public transport use.

If there really are 7 million players worldwide -and counting, then cities may just have to start improving the transportation services and there will be less pollution and waste of resources.

My Human mother is trying to help me on my mission “save the cats” by diverting the player’s minds. 

She submitted a portal called Froschenfresser (=frog-eater) to Niantic Labs and hopes for a fast approval. When people think of the stork (Ciconia ciconia) as the master frog eater, me and my brother Jacob and our feline friends can walk the streets safely again.

PS. I found the perfect vehicle for beginner greens:

Why it’s perfect? It is called a tadpole.

-Robert the Serious Siamese

Robert the Serious Siamese reports further on Ingress

by Robert the Serious Siamese

I must report something rather alarming going on in my neighbourhood.

I told you about the Ingress game my Human mother and my Human child started to play.

The teams are divided into greens (the Frogs) and blues (the Smurfs). Both groups communicate within their communities in closed forums, making strategies for the future and sharing tips and tricks.

A Smurf Lady mentioned in one of these forums that her cat eats frogs, just like my Brother Jacob does. 

Or to be precise, Jacob doesn't actually eat the frogs, he just brings them home as a trophy, to our Human mother's delight.

Anyway, a few days after this lady had mentioned her frog-eating cat, signs of missing cats popped up in the area where I live: 

Is this just a coincidence? 

I don't think so. I mean, they do claim it is not just a game.

I fear for my brother. Up until now, only Gargamel's cat Azrael was known to chase Smurfs. 

Now my species must fear attacks from both sides of Ingress players!

I hereby hope to reach out to a bigger audience through this blog: If you have a frog-eating/killing cat, do keep an eye on him/her. And if you spot any of the above missing cats, please report back as soon as possible according to the instructions.

The underlying problem may very well be that once a player reaches the higher levels, there is less challenge and more routine hard-work. 

This is how most games are designed; in the beginning you level up quickly and you are constantly rewarded. This is done to maintain the interest and in psychology it is called "positive reinforcement". 

Once you are hooked, there is less immediate reward as you are expected to go on just out of habit.

These very same tactics are used in the training of animals, children and employees. 

I will be back soon with some ideas to keep the gamer's happy and away from my precious species. 

In the meantime: Should you spot a cat that does not seem to belong, do call the local stray animal center (or don't -depending on where you live...). 

In Basel, you can safely call 061-378 78 10 (= number to

"Tierfundbüro des Tierschutz beider Basel"). 

Thank you.


-Robert the Serious Siamese

Robert on Ingress

By Robert the Serious Siamese

MyPerson and littlePerson started to play a game called Ingress with their mobile phones.

A simple Ingress explanation: There are two teams, enlightened (green) and resistance (blue). The greens wish to bring humans to a new level, using an alien energy called exotic matter that escaped from CERN in Geneva, Switzerland. The blues wish to protect human freedom. 

You play the game by walking outdoors with a mobile phone. The game is displayed as a map of the real world and in addition you see portals, from where this exotic matter is leaking out. The portals are actual, physical man-made things like sculptures, official buildings, parks or even graffiti. 

The idea is to capture portals and link them to build fields. By hacking portals (your own or the enemy's) you receive stuff that can be used in the game, such as weapons to destroy enemy portals. 

MyPerson was thrilled when she got something rare called a Jarvis Virus. But she is a humble Level 3 player so she might overreact.

As a cat, I would join the resistance; I do not wish humans become enlightened. It could be disastrous to my ruling feline race.

Ingress is fun for a dog owner, or for someone who wants to spend time walking outdoors and for anyone who wishes to meet new people, because few things make people bond better than a common enemy. 

Most cities have local clubs that organize Ingress meetings. MyPerson was invited to a welcome meeting but she couldn't go because my brother Jacob had injured his leg on that day. 

If you see a group of people, all with their phones drawn, tapping their screens and whispering to each other you can bet they're Ingress players. Or you may see a loner doing the same minus the whispering with a smug on look on his face, perhaps suspiciously looking for others walking with their phones held high. In fact, many Ingress players have been questioned by the police due to odd behaviour at odd times in odd areas.

At first I thought Google would benefit from learning more about various locations and people's movements. They receive photographs from places that are not accessible by car, as players suggest new portals and so Ingress turns each player into a data collector for Google. Ingress is GPS driven and this is draining the phone battery. Good business for battery booster manufacturers.

Us pets are experts on human behaviour, we study them around the clock. 

Human consciousness, that they are so proud of, is but a thin layer of the mind. Humans believe they control their own actions in a conscious and rational way. This is an illusion. And this is also the reason why it is more helpful to observe behaviour than to conduct interviews when wanting to understand people.

No doubt Google is getting some interesting data about human behaviour through this game. Hope they use it wisely.

Then again, perhaps it isn't just a game...

-Robert the Serious Siamese